Jeff: Great first take. You've got a ton to say, and you make it clear that you've done plenty of research. It's also clear that you've thought about why this would be a good car for you. At times, it sort of seems like you're rambling...even though you are not! This is because you have so much to say, I think. Try picking your best points and, in preparation for revising this, make a more detailed, bullet-listed set of notes so you can nail your main points. Right now, you've got lots of main points and minor points, and this (I think) is what makes it seem as if you're rambling. Also, it's why you stumble in a few places. See if you can get this speech down to 90 seconds by editing it in this way. You've got great material here; now you need to tighten it up.
Hey, I just got your comment on my video. Thanks. I though I would return the favor. (Unlike me) you used very good specific references in your speech (such as the U.S. News rating), which gives a good bedrock for your personal reasons for buying the car. I think, maybe if you grouped these references into one concerted list, it would make a larger impact. This may also help with cutting down on the length of the video. But overall, you have good material. -Colby (C block)
Hey Jeffrey, first off I'm sorry for not getting my video posted in a reasonable amount of time. I really liked your video. You seemed like you really knew your stuff. You came off well researched, confident in your choice and I think that helped you stay relaxed in your video. That being said I think it would be beneficial if you cut down on the amount of points or how long you spent on each point. Also you were wearing headphones and that distracted me. Overall it was a good video and it convinced me.
I liked that you seemed calm and relaxed, you didnt seem nervous. I liked that you did your research about the car and already knew that you were going to wreck it, the only thing that threw me off were the headphones and I think you clapped a couple of times but overall it was good because you showed confidence in your choice, I would give you the money in the end.
You had a ton of really awesome information in this video and you definitely convinced me that the car you will be buying would be a good investment. You seemed very confident and knowledgeable about the car and that really improved your speech. As for how long it was, I think that you should cut down on some of your points because it is over the time limit. Also for your next video I suggest not wearing headphones because they were distracting and I didn't understand the point of you having them in your ears (haha). Overall you did a great job.
Jeff: Great first take. You've got a ton to say, and you make it clear that you've done plenty of research. It's also clear that you've thought about why this would be a good car for you. At times, it sort of seems like you're rambling...even though you are not! This is because you have so much to say, I think. Try picking your best points and, in preparation for revising this, make a more detailed, bullet-listed set of notes so you can nail your main points. Right now, you've got lots of main points and minor points, and this (I think) is what makes it seem as if you're rambling. Also, it's why you stumble in a few places. See if you can get this speech down to 90 seconds by editing it in this way. You've got great material here; now you need to tighten it up.
ReplyDeleteHey, I just got your comment on my video. Thanks. I though I would return the favor. (Unlike me) you used very good specific references in your speech (such as the U.S. News rating), which gives a good bedrock for your personal reasons for buying the car. I think, maybe if you grouped these references into one concerted list, it would make a larger impact. This may also help with cutting down on the length of the video. But overall, you have good material.
ReplyDelete-Colby (C block)
Hey Jeffrey, first off I'm sorry for not getting my video posted in a reasonable amount of time. I really liked your video. You seemed like you really knew your stuff. You came off well researched, confident in your choice and I think that helped you stay relaxed in your video. That being said I think it would be beneficial if you cut down on the amount of points or how long you spent on each point. Also you were wearing headphones and that distracted me. Overall it was a good video and it convinced me.
ReplyDeleteI liked that you seemed calm and relaxed, you didnt seem nervous. I liked that you did your research about the car and already knew that you were going to wreck it, the only thing that threw me off were the headphones and I think you clapped a couple of times but overall it was good because you showed confidence in your choice, I would give you the money in the end.
ReplyDeleteYou had a ton of really awesome information in this video and you definitely convinced me that the car you will be buying would be a good investment. You seemed very confident and knowledgeable about the car and that really improved your speech. As for how long it was, I think that you should cut down on some of your points because it is over the time limit. Also for your next video I suggest not wearing headphones because they were distracting and I didn't understand the point of you having them in your ears (haha). Overall you did a great job.
ReplyDelete